I am not JUST a mom!
Being a mom is hard.
Not because raising our children is hard (which it is)
But because we get lost in that role.
So, let's talk about it.
All I ever wanted in my life was to be a mother. I knew that from a very young age. Even watching my mom struggle through raising us. I knew that being a mom was what I was meant for.
So, when I was blessed with Ryen right after assuming my new role as a wife. I threw myself into it. I worked harder than I had ever worked before. 70+ hours a week to provide for him and my family. Devoting my life to learning about his heart condition, how to treat it, how to live with it, and the best doctors to take him to.
Then I had Ryder. And now I was a mom of two kids under two. But this time I was a stay-at-home mom. Spending every waking minute making sure they were learning, having fun and raised right all while tending to a household that needed to stay up and running.
(Through trauma & turmoil I might add)
Years past and I ended up lost in the "I'm just a mom" mentality. "Can't spend time on me because the boys need me." "Can't go back to school because I won't have time for the kids." "Can't get a better job because I have no one to watch the boys." "Can't go out for a night because the mom guilt will eat me alive." For years these are the things that ran through my head.
Until one day, it clicked. I was so much more than just their mom. That title was what was most important of course. But deep down the "me" I used to be was drowning. The me that I so desperately wanted back was drowning. As quickly as that light came on and I was finally figuring me out. I was pregnant with Ezrynn.
I was sure that this time I was going to do things differently I was still going to focus on me. I was still going to make sure that I didn't JUST focus on being a mom but focus on me also so I could be the best mom I could be.
I'm not there yet.
But throughout these years I found myself in the people who set my soul on fire. The places that make me feel like me again. The things that make me happy outside of just being a mom.
So, here's to all the moms who feel guilty for putting time into still being themselves while being a mom. I know the mom guilt is hard. But I promise you, if you make yourself happy being their mom is so much easier.
